Intimacy
In my previous newsletter I wrote about the first of three ‘instruments’ of leadership, Intentions.
Let’s turn our attention to the second ‘instrument’, INTIMACY and start with the word’s origins. It’s derived from the Latin word, “intimus” which means ‘inner or inmost’.
Intimacy in a leadership context, is about ‘emotional proximity’ – it’s allowing others access into our inner-most feelings, concerns, and aspirations. Intimacy welcomes others to ‘in-to-me-see’. To be intimate, is to be trusted.
Leaders who master the ‘instrument’ of intimacy, are:
Vulnerable – leaders who are vulnerable recognise it is their greatest source of courage. It takes courage to allow others to ‘see into’ us. In being vulnerable they face their frailties and communicate their concerns. A leader recently shared with me, “I know I’m being vulnerable when I can be myself when I’m with someone”.
Empathetic - they listen deeply. They leave others feeling understood, respected, and legitimised. They accept when and how others see things differently. They never leave others feeling judged by their differences but understood for their differences. Being empathetic is more than listening for what’s being said, it’s also listening for what’s being seen and sensed in the other.
Humble – humble leaders often say; I don’t know, I need help and what do you think? They look to others’ knowledge and strengths as a collective benefit rather than a selfish threat. All that humble leaders do and say is of mutual benefit to others and themselves. Above all else, humble leaders are open to learning and objective about their contribution and strengths.
I invite you reflect on your level of mastery of the INTIMACY leadership ‘instrument’ and ask others to share their experiences of your intimacy.
Stay tuned for my next newsletter where I’ll share more about the third instrument, “impact”.
May you flourish.
Bernard