My story I’ve never shared
I want to begin by thanking you for making the time to read my blogs. I’m humbled by how many of you do. I commit to continue to write about what is of interest and relevance to you and I hope inspires you to think and act in new ways.
However, you may have asked who is the person behind what he writes? What’s his story? In the spirit of vulnerability, courage, and humility, here’s my story I’ve never shared before.
In January 2000 my family and I arrived in Australia to call it home. We left South Africa drawn to the wonder of living in a free, fair, and flourishing land down-under. Australia is all these and so much more. We are blessed.
In recent times, I’ve come to acknowledge that for the past 22yrs, I’ve lived in shame, guilt and been embarrassed about my South African heritage. I’ve never reconciled the injustices, suffering and sacrifices so many non-white South Africans endured for so long. For the past 22years, I’ve illegitimated my African heritage. Though disassociating myself, I’ve realised I can never delete my heritage from my story. In coming to now accept my African heritage, has enabled me to see how it has shaped who I have become. For the first time in my life, I’ve given myself permission to share some of my memories and stories, I believe so integral to my essence.
Each memory is about how I came to deal with what I felt, and for much of my life, could never resolve.
The Guilt
From an early age, I lived in guilt and felt confused and incensed by the racial and social injustices of apartheid. I could never accept because of the colour of my skin, why I led such a privileged life and others were denied their basic human rights.
I could never accept why black citizens could not be neighbours, swim at the beach, play on the swings in the park, sit next to me on the bus, go to the same school as me or be my friends. It was wrong.
The Despair
As a 10yr old, I persuaded the Sergeant of our local suburban police station to take me into the cells because, in my innocence, I thought it was a way I could improve or possibly secure the release of some of the imprisoned children. I recall the first cell I was taken to, was no bigger than 10m² and to my horror, found about 50 black children detained. Their crime – stealing food from the local stores or nearby homes in the ‘white only’ suburbs so they could feed themselves because their parents could not afford to. I pleaded in vain for their release. The wonder of the innocence of youth.
The Rage
Whilst at senior school, the South African Broadcasting Corporation, the instrument of indoctrination, ran a series demonising Bishop Desmond Tutu, one of the most noble and inspirational leaders who devoted his life to secure a free and fair South Africa. Feeling enraged by the blatant racism, bias, and untruths, I wrote a letter to the editor of the daily newspaper. A week after it was published, I received a death threat in the post.
The Betrayal
At University, and curious to learn more about the African National Congress (ANC) and Nelson Mandela, the only way we could access published material (pre-internet days!) was to travel to Botswana to buy and smuggle books back into South Africa. Had I been caught, I would have faced a 10year jail sentence. I fondly recall the excitement each time, with a group of close friends we set off on a Botswana adventure. Until the day and upon return from a trip to Botswana, one of my ‘close mates’, Lloyd Edwards, was found out to be a government spy. Fortunately, I was never charged with the ‘crime’ of learning about my hero.
The Dilemma
After graduating from university, I had a choice to either complete 2 years compulsory military conscription or be jailed for 6 years because of my ‘conscientious objection.’ After a long time agonising the choice, I completed the 2 years conscription. Given I had a Psychology and Economics degree, I was deployed to the Military Psychological Institute and given responsibility for the selection of elite special forces soldiers – how ironic. I recall being asked to present an overview of the proposed selection process to the General of the Special Forces. During the presentation, all I could think about was to imagine if this ‘beast’ could read my mind. If only he knew, he was staring straight into the eyes of his ‘enemy’.
The Possibility
During my 2 years in the army, I thought about what career I wanted to pursue. As black South Africans did not have the vote, trade unions served as the only ‘legitimate’ means through which they could express their political aspirations. I was fortunate to secure a role as an Industrial Relations Manager with African Explosives and Chemical Industries Pty Ltd, a then wholly owned subsidiary of ICI UK Plc. ICI’s continued investment in South Africa, was conditional on their being be ‘no discrimination nor segregation’ in any of their owned companies. Apartheid had no place. This was in 1986, at the height of the ‘might of the apartheid regime’.
I was blessed through my chosen career and to have had mentors and leaders who gave me the mandate to do all I could, within the ‘system’, to bring about a ‘fair and equitable’ workplace for all. Most of my time was spent dealing with the consequences of the subversive behaviours of the ‘white fascist’ first line managers. For the first time in my life, I felt I facilitated real, meaningful, and lasting change. Little did I know then how this experience would shape what I find meaning and purpose in being and doing to this day – to help organisations become leader-full and unleash the unrealised human potential.
The Hope
The release of Nelson Mandela and the first free election for all. As I stood in the voter booth on the 26 April 1994, I felt the only way I could acknowledge the pain and suffering so many before me had endured, was to exercise the choice the majority of South African’s fought and many died for. The democratic right to choose whom to vote for. I did for the first time.
The Essence
For the past 22 years, I and my family, have felt so privileged to call Australia home and to look to our Australian heritage with pride, honour and with deep gratitude. Having reflected over the memories of my earlier life in South Africa, has enabled me to access my African heritage and what it was about the ‘essence of Africa’ I value and to this day try to honour.
I feel the ‘essence of Africa’ is best captured by three African expressions that represent the fundamental nature of humanity – how we come together, be together and wish for one another:
Coming together – ‘Sibona’
The Zulu word for ‘hello’. Literally translated means, “I see you and by seeing you, I bring you into being.” By seeing each other, we hold each other with respect, dignity, and legitimacy.
Being together – ‘Ubuntu’
Translated from Zulu means to affirm others humanity through recognising their uniqueness and difference. Literally translated it means, ‘we are because you are, and since you are, definitely, I am.’
Wish for one another – ‘Hamba gashle’
Which translated from Xhosa means, ‘to go well, gently in peace and carefully’. Our deepest intention for others to live in peace and prosperity.
My intention is to bring more of the ‘essence of Africa’ into my work, so you come to access more of your greatness and live and lead with greater fulfilment and impact.
Hamba gashle.
Bernard