The “active” in active listening

At a recent executive team coaching session, the team members acknowledged they all needed to be better listeners.

Upon inquiring into what they meant by being better listeners, they unanimously committed to become more ‘active’ listeners.

The inquiry continued and I invited they share what they meant by ‘active’ listening. I got many varied responses.

After some discussion we came to accept that to be an active listener means to:

1.      Listen with your ears – listen intending to understand the other person. Don’t assume you understand what they mean, test your understanding.

2.     Listen with your eyes – be attentive to what you see and notice in the other person. How are they showing up? Do they appear tense, avoid eye contact or unsettled. Listening is about being an active observer and then sharing what you see.

3.     Listen with your heart – be mindful of what you sense about the other person. How would you assess their mood? What concerns them? How safe do they appear to speak their truth? Listening is about being open to explore their state.   

The most respectful thing to do is to leave others feeling listened to and understood by you. So, do you?